Menifee Mom: Those Precious Bedtime Moments

By Karen Thomas

I came across an article the other day in which a mother was talking about how she had rediscovered the joy of snuggling her child at bedtime. She realized how peaceful it is and how her child opens up more at this time that any other time of day. As a result, she and her child are able to have some really nice conversations. Besides that, this mom realized that the years pass quickly and we should enjoy these moments whenever we can.

As I read this, I thought about my usual response when one of my kids asks me to stay and snuggle them as they fall asleep. Generally, I will admit, my answer is basically "not tonight", along with a perfectly good reason, in my mind, as to why I can't. To my husband's credit, when he is available he loves doing this and is quick to honor their requests.

It wasn't always this way. I began to ask myself what had changed and how I had gotten away from enjoying that one on one time with my child, to just wanting them to be quiet and go to sleep. (I know, when I say it that way it sounds horrible!) But as I thought about it the other night, I realized when things had changed.

As soon as I had my third child, bedtime became a bit of a chore. When I had only one child, there was plenty of time to let her enjoy her bath and then read two or even three books. When we had our second it was a bit more challenging, but between my husband and I, we had it covered. But then along came number 3 and everything changed: We were now outnumbered.

On good days, the baby slept soundly and each child got the attention they craved. On bad days, it seemed nobody wanted to cooperate. What made it even harder was when those bad days hit on nights my husband was stuck at work. It looked like this: Baby is crying, toddler is insistent on NOT sleeping, and the older child just wants "one more story."

What they really wanted is mom all to themselves, but that is impossible to give in that moment. Our routine stared with all the kids together in one room. I'd start reading a story, and sure enough, the baby would start crying. Often, I'd find myself sitting on the floor with a nursing baby in one arm, a book in the other, and a child on either side listening to the story. If I was lucky, the baby would get lulled to sleep and I could finish putting the kids to bed in peace.

Most often though, the baby would start screaming and I'd have to stand up and do the "baby sway" to pacify her. My oldest would also stand up and hold the book for me so I could continue reading. Then, I'd tuck the kids in bed in their own rooms while continuing to soothe a fussy baby. Inevitably, one would get out of bed, and the other would start calling, "mommy!", and the baby continued to cry.
It was about that time in my life that I came to understand the term, "witching hour."

It was true that every night, about 7 p.m., my patience would begin to wear very thin. I could deal with things pretty well most of the day until that point. But, come 7, watch out! I could almost feel my nose growing warts and hear my broom calling out to me. If only I could just fly away, get a good night's sleep, and return in the morning.

So I guess that's when I lost the enjoyment of bedtime rituals. Now, all the kids but one are self sufficient in going to bed. But with the busyness of the day and demands of now four children, there are always chores to be finished after I tuck the littlest one in. Hence, the continued rush to say goodnight.

Still, the years are passing quickly and with the demands of life, what better opportunity to connect with a child than at bedtime? So, I think I shall try to "linger longer" after I turn out the light instead of rushing out the door. The dishes aren't going anywhere, but the time I have with these kids definitely is.

Karen Thomas is a stay at home mom of four daughters, has been on the PTA board at her kids' school for four years, and is a volunteer at her church, in addition to her activities as a volunteer soccer referee, a piano teacher, and a runner. Her column will appear here every other week. Comments are welcome.